Baby Got Crohn's - A Parody

This post is purely just for fun, and to hopefully give everyone a good laugh!

I am extremely lucky to have some of the most amazing, supportive friends and family on the planet. To my utter surprise, one of my friends wrote a silly song about Crohn's Disease, and sent the lyrics to me. I truly believe laughter is life's greatest medicine, and my friend has just supplied me with a prescription for hilarity! Such a silly, simple thing, yet one of the greatest gifts I've ever received!

Fair warning: Crohn's Disease is an uncomfortable, embarrassing disease, and these lyrics definitely reiterate that. Don't be offended - see the humor!

"Baby Got Crohn's" 

(in the style of 'Baby Got Back' by Sir Mix-A-Lot)

By Makya Vandiver-Hawkins

Oh, my god, Jessi, Look at her guts.
She looks like one of those Humira injectors.
But, you know, who understands Crohn's anyway?
I mean, her guts... are just so sick.
They only talk to her because she doesn't LOOK sick, 'kay?
I can't believe she cramps and runs a fever,
She's just so.....skinny!
I mean, ouch!

I hate my guts and I cannot lie
You other brothers can't deny.
That when a girl walks in with a itty-bitty waist and gettin' night sweats on your face
You get scared, wanna be prepared
Cause you notice that stomach cramped
Unbutton the jeans she's wearin'
She's gonna go shit, no starin'
Oh, baby I wanna get you
To the doctor.

My homeboys tried to warn me
But those guts you got make you so sickly.
Ooh, Humira medicine
You say you wanna get to the toilet?
Well, use it, use it
Cause you got IBD
I've seen you hurtin'
To hell with squirtin'
She's sick, yet
Got it goin' on like Dr. B

I'm tired of pamphlets
Sayin' Crohn's are the thing
Take the average Crohn's M.D. and ask him that
She gotta be in much pain
So, fellas, (yeah!) fellas, (yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got the Crohn's? (hell yeah!)
Tell ‘em to sit it (sit it) sit it (sit it)
Sit on that butt
Baby got Crohn's

It likes 'em tired and bleedin'
With an over-productive TNI
I just can't help myself, I'm actin like a doctor
Here's my stethoscope
I wanna get you home
And rub (double up) your feet
I ain't talkin' bout colitis
Cause that's a different IBD
I want 'em in remission
So find a table
Not by the bathroom

Yeah, baby... When it comes to females,
Crohn's ain't got nothin' to do with my selection.
36-24-36 times a day?
ok with me

So your girlfriend rolls a sleeping bag

And goes camping

But nature ain't got endless t.p. in trees

My doctor says no heating pad

Cause you got Crohn's, hun!

You can eat crackers and drink water

But you won't lose that Crohn's.

Some brothers wanna play that "hard" role

And tell you that crohns ain't gold

So they sit and flush it

And I say don't retrieve it!

So crohns makes you skinny

Because of diarrhea

Cause your waist is small and your fever risin'

And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'

A thermometer in your mouth

You got Crohn's, Miss Thing!

Give you a toilet, you can't resist it

Red beans and rice will make you go

Every 5 minutes or so

Crohn's girls are on my list
Go to a game but chose to hit 'em

Public restroom, first half

So, ladies if you're Crohn's bound
And you want 3-ply to flush down

Dial 1-900-CROHNIES

And sleep for days!

Baby got Crohn's!

Sing along with Sir Mix-A-Lot's original song, here: http://youtu.be/_JphDdGV2TU