The Camera Goes WHERE?

Colonoscopy, Sigmoidoscopy, Endoscopy... they're all different versions of sticking a long tube with a camera into places cameras shouldn't go. But, for Crohn's and Colitis patients, they're medically necessary.

As I discussed in this post, the preparation for these procedures is the worst part of the entire process. From the moment you arrive to your appointment, you can finally relax a bit and just let it all happen. Chances are, you didn't sleep much the night before, and the thought of being forced to nap with anesthesia is probably a welcome one.

When I arrive to my appointment, I am given a super-stylish hospital gown and robe, as well as a pair of non-slip socks to wear. Once I have changed into these designer duds, I'm led to an area of the clinic or hospital with comfy seats and curtains.

Here, the attending nurse or medical assistant starts an I.V. with a saline drip. That poke of the needle is the only pain you'll experience the whole day. From here on out, it's a breeze.

After the I.V. is placed and I've been pumped full of a bit of saline, the nurse leads me to a room with an exam table. They have me lie on my left side, and usually give me warm blankets to cozy up with.

At this point, the nurse puts anesthetic medicine into the I.V. line, and within seconds, I'm completely out. Even though the anesthesia used for these scopes is a light "twilight" kind, it still knocks me out to a point where I don't feel or remember anything about the procedure.

The next thing I know, I'm being woken up by a different nurse, and I'm surrounded by the sounds of people farting. Yes, that's right, farting. Intentionally.

When you have a colonoscopy, you are typically pumped full of air in order to get a better look at your intestines. Before you can leave the clinic or hospital, you must pass this gas. Needless to say, this happens in the recovery room, which is usually an open area with curtains separating the patients. You get to hear it all!

Farting is always funny. And anesthesia makes everything seem about 10X funnier. If you don't have a sense of humor, get one. You're going to need it.

After I'm able to pass gas (giggling not required, but highly recommended), the nurse usually allows me to have something to drink of my choice. I opt for soda most of the time, and it's always served in a short little can with a plastic cup. I don't know why, but this is funny to me. Like I said, everything is funny when you're still coming out of anesthesia.

Once I have proven to the nurse that I can keep liquids down, he or she takes my I.V. out of my arm, and I am free to go. They ask you to change back in to your own clothing, because I'm sure everyone is pining to steal their fabulous gowns. I am then released to the care of which ever adult came with me to my appointment. This adult is usually my mom, because moms are the best!

When we've left the hospital or clinic, I whine and beg my mom to take me out to eat. Granted, I'm in no physical shape or appearance to be going out in public, but damnit, I'm hungry! And everything sounds delicious! She usually obliges, and we do just that.

The rest of my day I usually spend in bed or on the couch, dozing in and out of sleep. The effects of the anesthesia can last up to 24 hours, so I typically just stay at my mom's house during this time. I have never experienced any pain in my guts following a scope, but I have experienced some blood in the toilet from where they took biopsy samples. Luckily, this is fairly normal, and since there are very few nerve-endings in the bowels, this doesn't hurt.

By the next morning, I'm feeling fine as frog hair (what does that even mean?!), and I'm able to return to normal activities. Sometimes the doctor calls with my scope results the next day, but it's usually a few days later.